she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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