Plan B is the new Plan A
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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