1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
