she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
