I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
