I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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