Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I FOUND THE LEGS
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
