Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
