Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
