I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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