tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
