Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
