i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
