shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
