I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
