So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
