I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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