Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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