Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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