I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
