At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
