I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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