Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
