NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
