There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
