I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
