On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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