You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
