Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
