I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
