so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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