I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
