Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
