It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
