I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
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