In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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