Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
