D3 body, D1 cock
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
