do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
