I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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