hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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