just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Randomize
