yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
