so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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