She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Why did my mother make you get naked?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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