Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
