well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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