yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
