someone get that fucking seahorse.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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