I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
