the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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