Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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