just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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