dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
