I can't watch pbs sober anymore
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
