I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
