RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
