okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
